Bravado: 5 ways to pack heat in your body and brain
Last night I was packing for a trip to Texas, my homeland, to meet with a group of investors. I glanced at my cowboy boots and hat and wished they weren’t so damn big so I could shove them in my carry-on. Sigh, they stayed home, but as a sixth generation Texan, I always have my southern drawl to pull out when needed.
After telling my boyfriend I was heading for Houston to take 20 men out for fancy BBQ and to chat about startup investing, he said, “You know I’m not jealous, but it’s always you and a bunch of men, why aren’t there more women entrepreneurs and investors?”
“Lack of Bravado,” I told him simply. “Men have plenty, women lack it.”
Bravado is a way of being. It’s being bold with the intention to inspire, impress or intimidate. For me, it means living confidently knowing I don’t have all the answers and not allowing anyone to bully me. Simply, I’m packing heat (figuratively carrying a gun) in my heart and mind. Though I work in finance and I’m around men 96% of the time, no man ever harasses me. At our source, we are all animals; I project no weakness and therefore I am no one’s prey.
Women are smarter and more capable than men, but most have been brainwashed to believe they’re not. They think they have to know their shit, pay their dues and wait their turn. This fear is called the confidence gap and Katty Kay and Claire Shipman explain the science behind it in their book The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance — What Women Should Know.
Lack of bravado is not just a female plague. Men can be timid too, they can lack confidence to ask a woman out, build a startup or increase their wealth.
As a Texan, part-time single mom of three sons, venture capitalist, and Jewish matchmaker; bravado is what gets my butt out of bed each morning with an attitude that life is beautiful and it’s mine to conquer.
Here are 5 ways to boost your bravado:
1. F*ck yoga, go shooting
I hate yoga. Mind you, I meditate each morning to quiet my brain. But yoga, though it improves my posture, doesn’t pump me up to conquer life. A visit to the shooting range is my kick-ass medicine. Many of my yogi friends are centered and mindful, but lack the confidence to fight for what they want or pursue their dreams. You don’t have to buy a gun, but it’s a transformative experience to shoot a target and know you can blow someone’s head off. This feeling of confidence transmits into every aspect of your life; bullies don’t intimidate and the people you want to hear you, listen.
2. Love your body and strut it
Swagger is a physical manifestation of bravado. I’ve seen men and women of all ages, shapes and sizes swagger into a room and own it. Lots of us believe our bodies aren’t perfect so we shouldn’t strut it, wrong! My body is an accordion, I have sizes 4–10 in closet — my shape expands and contracts regularly, but baby I still strut. Always pause before you walk in a room, take a deep breath through your nose, push your shoulders back, suck in your gut, look up so you can make eye contact and walk boldly with purpose. Women, G-d gave us curves for a reason, arch your back and highlight your divine given sharpshooters.
3. Kill the vocal tics, speak with power
It’s not just your body that conveys bravado, it’s your voice and how you speak. When I started college, I knew I’d never make it out West with a Southern drawl. I got to California and heard the annoying trend of young adults who upspeak (aka uptalk) ending sentences like they were a question and vocal fry (aka grottal fry) that phenomenon where people flutter their vocal cords, producing a low, creeeaaaky sound. I knew if I sounded like them, it would hurt my chances of professional success. These vocal tics suggest you lack confidence and you’re indecisive. So I took 8 months of voice and diction training to remove my accent and speak with power. Now my voice has many octaves. When I speak to my young son, my voice is soft, high and sing songy, when I conduct business or give a talk, my voice drops many octaves and is louder. When I listen to entrepreneurs pitch their startup, I’m fine with accents, but if they have an obnoxious vocal tic, instinctively I’m too annoyed at their voice to listen. Watch a few of the most popular Ted Talks and observe their voice. Then record your speech and listen to yours. Need a tune up? Go to a speech therapist or a vocal coach.
4. If you don’t ask, you don’t get
You know the joke about the guy whining to G-d why he doesn’t win the lottery? G-d says, “Try buying a ticket!” ‘If you don’t ask, you don’t get’ is my number one rule of life. Asking for what you want is the core of bravado. Sounds easy, but it’s not. First you have decide what you want in your life or business; then you have to believe you’re worthy of it; and finally you need to possess the confidence to ask for it. This goes for increasing your price for customers or for asking your boyfriend to bring you coffee in bed. For entrepreneurs, bravado is paramount to raising money. They must ask everyone they know to invest. If they get a no, then they have to ask, ‘who do you know that may want to’ and then ask for an introduction.
5. Be bold, not a bully
How you treat others should not require apologies. When I get fired up, I spew orders to my staff like a stallion galloping at full speed. They know to pull back my reins so I can breathe, say please, and hell of a lot of genuine thank yous.
Where we often falter in embodying bravado, is the myth that being bold is synonymous with being an arrogant bully. It’s not. Kindness is key.
It’s sad that the culture of asshole leaders in Silicon Valley permeate the mindset of entrepreneurs and investors. Bravado done well means treating others with respect and acknowledging their attributes and talents. Then those around you, want to please you, be it your children, lover, employees or partners.
Most folks I know who pack heat (carry a gun) on a daily basis, don’t flash their weapon to convey their confidence or power, but you can feel it. With awareness and focus, we are all capable of bravado. It’s how we walk, how we talk and how we aim and shoot for what really matters.
